away, but.. race daze..

i wondered if i could encapsulate what happens in the run up to and on the day of a race - both physically and in my head..

first, i have to own up and be honest - racing makes me anxious. it slowly builds in the days before, i can feel that uneasiness in the base of my stomach, and i know i've subconsciously started to mull over what's going to happen. for a big race, like the two marathons i've done so far, this feeling was definitely already there a week before. and it just grows. i go over all sorts of scenarios in my head, from a non-start through to the perfect race. now i've experienced both of those, it could be i'm calming into it. it's certainly no longer the great unknown. i know what to expect - each race is slightly different, but essentially you go through the same preparation and race set-up. i still worry about getting the number on my shirt (i'm awful at getting the safety pins in straight) and getting the timing chip on (and off) my shoe. so my mind reserves a little space to allow me to fret about those a little.. i think i know how to think now - positively - but there are always the doubts that mix in but i try to blank out.

as far as physical preparation goes, i'm pretty bad at the taper i think, but i force myself now - and that's under control. i eat carbs pretty heavily for the few days before, but then on the race morning, there's a set routine. i get up and as soon as possible get a very strong, small cup of coffee down me. i've already trained myself in the run up to evacuate early in the day, but the coffee serves that purpose as well as helping me perk up. i'm noticeably more relaxed then. i hot-shower and have a glass of water and a bagel or some porridge (adding chocolate shaving and salt is a good tip, i think). then i stretch and start to take on powerade and gels or bars. this is probably too soon, so i try to hold myself back a little, but it rests my mind, so i allow myself a little leeway. then i get the number-on-shirt thing out of the way, suit up and get going. i'm probably awful company at these times (in fact, i know i am), but my head always needs to get into this plane of conciousness that's separated off and totally focused on doing well exactly how i've planned.

i sip on Powerade and take gels at the pre-race, and like everyone else need to pee just before - probably twice. one thing i do like to do though is just get on the edge of needing another pee as i start. it's become a little bit of a thing for me ever since the Paris marathon last year. i feel like it's another little urgency to get me round quickly. turns out i never need to pee at the end anyway, but it's another of those things that fit everything into place.

i don't know whether that gives any insight into my race mentality. i'd only add that i'm really emotional when i finish races - especially the marathons. down in Brighton in April, i was an emotional wreck when i saw the kids and Polly. something gets me deep inside - and they're the ones i lean on.. lovely that they are..